Parenting Advice: The Difficulties Single Mums Can Have With Sons
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Q. "I am a single mother with a 7 year old daughter (Caitlin), and two sons (Tom, 9 & Liam, 11).
Cait is doing fine, but I am having real problems with the too boys. Tom has learning difficulties at school, but seems to behave fine there. It is when he comes home that we get all the temper tantrums. Liam just seems to hate me.
He is always rude, and never shows any affection towards me. Liam's dad never visits, and Tom's dad died when he was a baby. I am so stressed, what am I doing wrong?"
A. I'm sorry you're having problems with them. We all expect parenting to be fun and rewarding, at least most of the time.
First, stop blaming yourself as it won't accomplish a thing. Just like anyone else, you have most likely made lots of bad decisions. It doesn't matter. The big question is what do you do now, to make the best of what you have?
Your daughter is doing well, proving that you have some good mothering skills.
Also on the plus side, is the fact that your younger boy is doing well in school. Even with learning problems, he can settle down and do his school work. Talk with his teachers though, he may be finding it so hard at school that he brings all his frustrations home.
Both sons are probably feeling the lack of their dads. It is very difficult to work on this. In some ways it is probably easier for the younger one. "A dead dad is better than an uncaring dad" since there is no ongoing rejection involved. Obviously there is not much you can do about the absent dad. All you can do is be matter of fact about it.
Don't try to defend him, nor overly criticize him - if you do the former, your son will feel you are taking the "loser dad's " side instead of his. If you criticize him, your son will rush to defend him, after all, he is his dad.
You can only change yourself, not the children. Think about how you could be different in order to make your life more peaceful. It may surprise you to know that if you appear more positive, it will rub off on them. If you keep things the way they are, nothing will ever change.
Most of all, believe in yourself and your children. Don't look back, look to the future and decide how you want it to be. Think in positive terms i.e. don't think about what you don't want, or what you worry about, think instead about what desired outcomes you do want.
Don't expect to get there in one day, but look for tiny little steps that will gradually take you there. And then do what it takes to get there. It will take a bit of effort at first, but then, living like you do now also takes effort. Read what you can. Talk to other parents. You will get there if you are prepared to make the effort.
Article Source: Articlelogy.com
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