consistency works like magic for parenting
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The need for consistency in parenting cannot be over-emphasized. You need to be consistent in what you say and do, and you need to be consistent between the two of you.
If you are not consistent, your child gets ample opportunity to manipulate you and play one parent against the other. But achieving consistency is a difficult feat, no doubt! And can become more difficult if the other parent is too rigid to change his/her behavior for the child.
See, if these suggestions will help:
In order to remain calm and maintain consistency, you need to have a plan. You know your situations and you should make a plan how to deal with them
The idea is to pre-empt the situation and if it still happens, your plan will help you deal with it calmly by doing what you have already planned.
Without that, you will find yourself put on the spot and, not having a plan, you will simply react with the first idea that comes to mind (which often involves a lot of yelling and threatening!) And next time you will probably react differently.
Set your priorities right. Be firm on the matters you consider important and relent on the unimportant issues. Remember, your child is not a replica of you. Allow some space to your child to grow into an individual in his own right as long as he doesn't overstep the basic norms of good behavior.
If you don't want your child to put his feet on the sofa, spell it out for him, and stick with it. Don't tell him to get his feet off one day, and then allow it the next time.
If you think through all the conflicts that give you the greatest stress, you will probably find that many of them are in these grey areas. You can't keep sitting on the fence. Once you decide which way you way to jump, you will find that much of that stress goes away.
The really difficult part about implementing a plan is getting your partner to participate in it.
No easy answers, of course, since this goes to the core of your relationship as a couple. Are you able to discuss the children calmly and rationally, or are they pawns in some kind of power struggle between you?
You don't even have to agree on everything - as long as you agree to disagree. But even when you disagree, you DO have to back each other up in front of the children. If your partner has said NO you must say NO too; and then discuss it between you privately. If you say NO, you would hope that (s)he would also back you up.
If you don't do that, your children will play one parent against the other to get what they are looking for.
So, once again, the key to consistency between parents is the same as being consistent yourself - plan ahead. Spend time discussing your rules and expectations so that you can come up with a coherent plan. One way to do this is to read a parenting book together and then discuss it.
In the worst scenario where you cannot even agree on fundamental ways of handling situations, what can you do?
In such a scenario, it is best to be true to yourself. By virtue of the same rule, give freedom to your partner to do the same.
The outcome of this is that the children are quick to size up both the parents and manipulate them to their advantage. If one parent is strict and the other lenient, the children know whom to go to and get what they are looking for.
The wider the gap between you, the more problems this will cause in daily life. Often this results in one parent struggling with the child's behavior, while the other seems to have no problems! In that case, the most logical thing to do is for the parent who is struggling to see what he or she can learn from the other's style (and, yes, usually it will be that they are more consistent!)
Ultimately it can get so bad that one parent completely destroys any authority or credibility that the other parent might have. If that is happening to you, it is time for some serious thinking (and decisive action) about what is happening in your relationship and what you are going to do about it. If you don't then your children will learn to disrespect all types of authority, and you will gradually loose all respect for yourself too.
The secret is to look at yourself more critically than you look at others. Often, it is your habit that rules your behavior not reason. The golden rule is to change yourself first rather than wait for the other to change first.
Article Source: Articlelogy.com
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