Grief Recovery Counseling
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When I was in private practice I saw a lot of individuals who were grieving the loss of a loved one, whether that was a child, a spouse, a parent or a close friend. On a few occasions I saw couples where one of them had been diagnosed with a terminal condition and had less than 6 months to live. These situations were particularly traumatic for the persons involved, especially for the spouse who was not ill.
With these latter couples, we would discuss what was happening and how each of them was dealing with their feelings. The diagnosed partner seemed to have the easier time, having accepted their illness and the eventual fatal consequences. I saw this type of reaction in my own family with a terminally ill brother-in-law and my sister. It was always the surviving partner who had the most difficulty with the situation because they would have to go on alone.
With counselling of any sort, the goal is to LISTEN! Not just the hear the words an individual was speaking, but to identify the Feelings behind them. When I would reflect back to the individual I always began with sounds like youre feeling " sad, angry, scared, anxious, depressed " whatever it was they were conveying. I would then ask them to check in to see if what I said was accurate. It usually was.
Initially, clients would gladly tell me about their feelings in the hopes we could gloss over this part of the process. When I asked them to focus more closely on a particular feeling, they realized this would not be the case. As they described what they felt in more detail, and included accounts of associated physical reactions, tears would often flow. Now they were feeling the feeling and, through this process, they were also releasing it along with its associated pain. Grief recovery counseling requires paying close attention to feelings. Tha'ts where the hurt lies and where healing has to take place.
Some clients would ask about "Stages" and "Theories", usually after having read something or being given advice by a friend. Acknowledging this might be interesting as an intellectual curiousity, I would then re-focus them on their feelings because this was where successful grief recovery counseling had to go. After a few sessions they would realize that dealing with feelings always produced the most favorable results, so interest in side matters diminished. People soon realized that dealing with feelings over grief and loss had many additional benefits. In fact what they were learning about grief recovery and feelings had advantages that could be applied to other aspects of their lives.
We are programmed toward externals by our various sources of news that like to talk about charts, graphs, theories and stages. These tantalizing tidbits are geared toward boosting ratings or adding another "Top Ten Ways to Heal Grief" book to the self-help section of bookstores. A helpful grief recovery resource will focus on Internals, such as feelings and emotions, because that's always where the hurt lies. Our Heart and Feeling Center determines the quality of our life and tells us when we are hurting. By focusing inward we identify and release feelings, along with the associated pain. Writing in a journal, listening to good music, reading heart-centered poetry will put you in touch with Your Heart because that's where healing actually happens.
A well crafted grief recovery resource is second only to a good therapist as a guide to our grief recovery. For intense reactions you may need to start with a therapist. That aside, your grief recovery resource can provide all the guidance you need to navigate this experience. When we lose a loved one we experience powerful emotions and feelings that we are usually unaccustomed to. A good grief resource capitalizes on this and takes you further into the experience of loss. Yes it hurts, just like squeezing the poison out of an infected wound. But who would argue the end result. With permission to feel and the guidance of a good grief resource we can make our way through this experience. Our heart and feeling center know what to do once we engage this process.
Applying externals such as charts, graphs and catch phrases like "time heals all" to an internal experience such as bereavement and grief is a waste of time. Being well informed can be useful, but it will not mend your broken heart. Externals can actually act as a distraction to the necessary grief recovery counseling process. A well written grief recovery resource can act as a personal counselor in the case of losing a loved one and help you focus on that all important feeling dimension. Don't waste your time with externals. Get to the Heart of the matter.
Grief recovery counseling is fairly straightforward once you understand the process. Applying externals to an internal problem is futile. Talking about your pain is not the same as experiencing it which is what a good counselor and grief recovery resource would have you do. You now know that feelings are the key to your recovery. Feeling your bereavement and grief may be painful at times but that difficulty will be short-lived. Applying tools that focus on feelings and help release them will move your healing along. What you will be left with is the love you have for that deceased loved one, and that's forever.
Article Source: Articlelogy.com
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